Weight Gain vs Weight Loss

I am 162cm and I was 43Kg in February and 46Kg now. I am glad for the weight gain because friends and family commented that I look better now. I look healthier and more rosy. The down side is that I do not look good in photographs, not that I am a narcissist who always take pictures with my phone everywhere I go. Maybe I should start to have this habit so that I can pour over my 'beauty' when I become an AH MA and I can show it to my grandchildren hahaha.

I was 48-49Kg last year. The reason for the drastic weight loss was because I had a nasty break up with a bastard who I loved very much despite his many shortcomings. Another reason was due to the start of my first career. My work is very fun but demanding on my physical body and mentally too. At the end of the work day, when I was not pre-occupied with work anymore, my mind drifted to my breakup and that bastard which left me with no appetite and I went to sleep without dinner almost everyday.

Losing weight can be quite addictive and tiny gain of weight makes you so conscious and you decided to skip dinner for a week again even after I moved on emotionally from the break up. One good thing about losing weight is that every morning you do not have to decide what to wear to work because you look good in every single piece of clothes or dress =D. I also feel good when I hear comments like I was SO thin and slim. Even if the comments were to mean that I was too thin for liking or looking good, I was still happy with such comments. I was plump in my JC days and during my first year in university so when I lost weight in the later days of my university life, I vowed never to become plump or fat again. I was once 55Kg and I found it hard to pick or buy clothes. My thighs were rubbing against each other then. I even joked with my friends and mom that I was constantly in fear that the friction between my thighs will result in a fire someday.

I also think I have body dysmorphic disorder which is a mental disorder of constantly thinking that part of my body is too fat but in actual fact, everyone keeps telling me that I look fine. I think most girls have some degree of this mental illness hahaha girls being girls, burdened by the social pressure to look slim and pretty.

My utmost concern ever since I started losing weight in university days till now is that my boobs are always the first to lose weight and the last place is always my thighs. Yes, I look skinny on top and heavy below. My cup size shrank so much and I was not big to begin with =(. It is so weird, I thought that my reduced calories intake and my physical demands during work should slim my tummy, thighs and arms first. It turns out that not taking in calories and fat plus walking around a lot during work actually make my boobs shrink first!

I had a discussion with a close colleague who also have this problem and she suggested that I eat soya beancurd everyday. I heard of this during my puberty stage in secondary school. I love soya bean products and I will actually drink soya bean milk or eat soya beancurd at least twice per week but it does not have an effect on me. I dismissed it as a myth when my colleague suggested this. She then cited a real life example, a common friend of ours, who she said eats soya beancurd every single day non-stop for the past year and now she is a C! I think I should be more determined and try this method too!

Here is a picture of me (when I was 43 kg) and my best friend who just relocated to Korea. I miss her!

Here is another picture of me recently when my weight is maintained at 46 kg.

Like I said earlier, gaining this 3 kg made me look bad in photos. There goes my V-shape face contour. Whatever...I should be glad that I am healthy and a lot happier with life now =)